As you may know, I recently had all of my wisdom teeth removed. Before going into the surgeon's office, I did some extensive research on healing, swelling, and the surgery itself. Inspired by one of the articles I read, I decided to make an hour-by-hour report myself, just to document and archive the whole thing, you know?
9 A.M.: The doctor sits down my brother, me, (we did it together! BESTIES 4 LYFE) and my mom for our consultation. She signed off on "all possible effects", and then they called me, first, to the actual room.
10 A.M.: The doctor's assistant puts monitors all over me, as well as one of those finger things you see on hospital patients. Not long after, the Doc himself enters and stabs me in the arm with a needle (well, not really, but it felt like it) hooked to an IV.
I don't really remember going under. It wasn't like I was talking to him and then suddenly, BAM! I'm out. All I remember is sort of groggily waking up in the middle of it, and sort of looking at him with my eyes half-open, and him saying, "Very good, Zoe, very good." Next thing I know, I'm awake with no feeling in my lips/chin and gauze in my mouth. I remember the nurse girl speaking to me, and I said something along the lines of "How much of the hour was I asleep?", and the she replied rudely, "Keep chomping down on the gauze!" In her defense, I probably didn't articulate any actual words at all.
11:15 A.M.: Leave office. Half-asleep until arrive at home, where I crash on my bed.
2 P.M : Wake up with blood on my pillow. Crazy nauseous. Freak out. Get emotional. Take painkillers. Crash again.
5:40ish: Wake up again. Blood all over side of face, as well as bed covers. Look like murder victim. Mom brings me wet washcloth. Eat chocolate pudding. Crash once more.
6:40ish: Wake up. Go downstairs, try to watch TV. Eat strawberry yogurt. Get extremely nauseous. Retch in bathroom. Feel much better. Eat small bites of mashed potatoes. Become nausated again. Go back to my room. Fall asleep.
10:30ish: Some jerk texts me. Fully awake. Unable to resume sleeping until 11:30 to 12.
6 A.M.: Awake. Unable to fall fully asleep until eight. Wake up at 9:30.
10 A.M.: Drink chocolate milk. Eat mashed banana in small bites. Want pizza. Badly.
11 A.M.: Watch two episodes of Jerseylicious.
1 P.M. to 4 P.M.: Eat large amounts of pudding, Jell-O, and the cream out of Oreos. Be on computer.
5 P.M.: Shower without getting nauseous/passing out. Victory!
6 P.M. to 11 P.M.: Eat pudding. Watch TV, mostly Seinfeld.
Day three. That's today! I still resemble a chipmunk a lot (I never fully appreciated my cheekbones until now), but I'm going to Nashville anyway. The Porter Flea is today (flea market with a bunch of handmade-stuff vendors!) and I've been looking forward to it since, like, May. I sort of think that I look like I've got a cheek-tumor (if those exist), but I doubt I'll see anyone I know, so I guess it's sort of okay.
(These are not like, "Rinse your mouth with saltwater after eating for a minimum of ten days after surgery." That's far too practical to be on this list.)
1) Take very few painkillers, unless you know you can handle it. I experienced extreme nausea when I only took one.
2) On Day One, sleep as much as possible. Otherwise, you'll have to be conscious of how insanely nauseous you are.
3) On Day Two, if you don't look like this, you will definitely look like this.
4) Calm down. Your face will deflate. Eventually.
5) DO NOT EAT STRAWBERRY YOGURT ON DAY ONE. It tastes good going down, not going up. That's all I'll say about that.
*** I have no idea where I found this illustration, but for whatever reason I think it's freaking hilarious. I don't know why, I just do. Anyway, if you know the creator, let me know so I can credit him/her!